Why am I a Christian?

The man crept through the darkened streets, casting furtive glances over his shoulder.  Was anyone watching?  Did anyone see him?  He found the door, and knocked gently, praying that the one inside would hear, but praying also that he would not.

The door creaked open, the glow of an oil lamp spilling onto the man’s feet.  “Come.”  The word was loud against the quiet of the night, an invitation and a challenge.  The man entered and closed the door quickly.

“Rabbi,” he breathed.  In front of him stood a man with a gentle face, illuminated by the lamp. 

“Welcome, Nicodemus,” said the Rabbi. 

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I am Nicodemus.  Like the Pharisee who visited Jesus that night so long ago, I am a religious leader, wary of asking my questions in public.  But, some questions just need to be asked. 

I have been a Christian my whole life, studied at a respected seminary, and hold a position of leadership at my church.  I have far to go in my journey as a faithful disciple, but I am working at it.  But, recently I came across a pair of questions that made me step back and think.

1) Why am I a Christian?

2) Why should others be Christians?

It is not as though I doubt Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  But, these questions floored me because I am not able to give a good answer.  As a follower of Jesus and as a leader, I should be able to give good answers to these questions, but right now I cannot.  By a “good answer” I mean a well thought out, cogent answer that speaks to my whole being, that comes from my heart and contains all of my passion.  An answer that contains my love for God in all my heart and soul, mind and strength, body and spirit, as well as my love for my neighbor.

I can give some quick, snappy answers, answers that I have heard, consent to, and can rattle off without much thought or introspection.  But, how would that benefit me or anyone else?  Wouldn’t it be better to dig deep and sit with the questions?  Wouldn’t it be better to pray through the questions?

Note:

Why Anonymous?  The questions I am asking are good, honest questions, so, why hide my identity?  This is definitely not as high-stakes as those bloggers who could lose their jobs or lives if they are found out.  But, unfortunately, not everyone is accepting of those asking big questions, especially if those asking are in positions of church leadership.  I honestly believe that exploring these questions will ultimately lead to a stronger faith for myself and for others, but sometimes weak spots must first be destroyed before being rebuilt stronger.  I feel that the honesty of anonymity would be helpful in that.  If you don’t think there can be honesty in anonymity, then don’t read this!